“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed; it means the damage no longer controls our lives.”
A booming sound jarred Brianna abruptly from her sleep. She tried to ignore it, but instead she tossed and turned as the storm’s intensity increased. Her weather alert going off on her phone made her even more frightened. Storms caused her much distress and reminded her of when she was a little girl in Haiti. There were so many times she found no shelter from the fierceness of the storms and torrential rains. Then there were the earthquakes in Haiti that destroyed the very ground beneath her.
She shivered in the bed, but not from being cold because it was nice and warm inside. She looked around the perimeter of her bedroom and grew frightened as the thunderstorm raged outside.
She pulled the bed covers up around her neck, hugged herself, and began to quote one of her favorite passages of scripture. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”
Another booming round of thunder resounded just as she finished reciting the scripture. Brianna jumped. The alert went off on her phone again as rain pounded against the windows and lightning lit up her room.
Moments later, she heard the blaring sound of the tornado siren and her heart beat against her chest like someone trying to get inside.
She picked up her phone, swiped the alert with her finger to the right to silence it. Then without thinking, she called Trey. Closing her eyes, she reasoned with herself to calm down when his phone went to his voicemail. What was she thinking anyway? Why would she call him, especially at this time of morning? “Thank you, God, for not letting that call go through. All I need is you. All I need is you,” she repeated as she laid the phone down next to her.
The storm didn’t ease up until just before daylight. Yet, even when the thunder and lightning stopped, the rain continued to come down in sheets.
She had very little sleep but thank God it was Saturday and she didn’t have to get up and go to work. Instead, she got up, made a cup of coffee and a bowl of grits, something her mother used to prepare when she and Aspen were small. Her mother would make them toast and grits with lots of butter and hunks of melting sharp cheddar cheese. It was delicious. Now just about every weekend, Brianna made the same thing. Some people liked sugar on their grits. She didn’t. She liked the saltiness of the grits mixed with the sweetness of the butter. It was one of the few good memories she had of her mother.
Sitting at the four seat breakfast table, she quietly ate, still somewhat apprehensive and on edge from the rain that started up again and was coming down harder. Rounds of thunder returned and lightning flashed. Even the sun remained hidden and daylight looked more like dusk. She sipped on her coffee while she tried to take her mind off what was going on outside by removing her phone from the side pocket of her pajama top and placing it onto the table. Slowly, she scrolled through the news and then visited her social media sites. She could always rely on a video or two or some crazy meme to get her mind off unpleasant thoughts. This morning was no different. She laughed when she saw a hilarious meme of one of the television celebrities.
Her phone rang while she scrolled.
“Hi, Daddy,” she answered with a smile when she saw it was him. She loved her father with all of her heart. He had never remarried since their mother walked out on them, but he was seeing a woman from his church named Danielle who he adored.
Brianna liked Danielle. She made her father happy, something Brianna desperately wanted for him.
Her father was still a relatively young man in her eyes, not yet sixty years old. She prayed he would find someone special to love him. Hopefully, he had found that in Danielle.
“Hi, sweetpea. Are you okay out there?”
“You know me so well, but I’m good. I’m sitting here eating grits and toast and drinking coffee. I just wish it would stop, that’s all.”
“Were you able to sleep through it?”
“Not really. But I’ll be fine.”
Tell you, what, why don’t I come there and stay with you until it settles down?”
“No, Daddy, I don’t want you to drive all the way from Covington with it storming like it is outside. I’m going to finish eating and then put my earbuds in and watch Netflix or listen to an audiobook. That way I won’t hear a thing.”
“You know I worry about you, sweetpea.”
“I know, but please don’t worry about me, Daddy. I’m fine. How are you? How was the deacons and elders retreat? Did you enjoy it?”
“Yes, it was awesome. I made it back around eight o’clock last night, before the storm moved in. I meant to call you but, well, Danielle and I had dinner and then the hour grew late.”
She could hear his light laughter on the phone. It made her feel good to know he was finally letting go of his past and moving toward having a happy future with someone else.
“We sought the Lord in prayer and we learned a lot about the roles and responsibilities of deacons and elders. There was plenty of good food, lots of fun, and great fellowship with deacons and elders from several other churches in attendance. I’d say there were a little over a hundred of us.”
“Wow, that was a good turnout. I’m glad you had a good time.”
They exchanged conversation for at least fifteen minutes, which helped take Brianna’s mind off what was going on outside. She would have kept talking but Danielle buzzed in, and her father told her he would call and check on her later.
“Remember, if you want me to drive down there, just let me know and I’ll hop in my truck and be on my way.”
“I know you will, but I’m good, for real. I love you, Daddy. Tell Miss Danielle, I said hi.”
“I will. Bye, sweetpea.”
Brianna finished eating, went into the living room, got her earbuds, and put her phone on Pandora. After an hour or so, she pressed RECLINE on her chair, closed her eyes, and allowed the music to soothe her.
Thoughts of her past brought unexpected sadness came over her. The darkness brought on by the storm was the perfect complement to the darkness that raged inside her soul. Tears appeared without warning. Her chest rose and fell in perfect sync with each tear that fell.
Sometimes she didn’t like herself. This was one of those times—when she was all alone, hurting mentally, and angry with herself for not being able to let go of her past. No matter how many times she’d been told or heard God makes no mistakes and All things work out for good, it was days like today when every last one of those words fell on deaf ears.